don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
