what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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