i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize