so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize