I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
