Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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