Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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