Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
