'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
