I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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