there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
