Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
only you would photoshop your dick
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
