Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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