Operation Purity has been aborted
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
