It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
