Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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