Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she peed on how many people?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
