he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
