Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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