one two three fourrrrnication!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize