they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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