I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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