Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
