The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize