i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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