so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
