Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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