Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize