How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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