Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
