this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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