i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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