you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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