Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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