is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
