so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
