i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
