I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
