Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
