he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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