I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
