i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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