i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize