i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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