There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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