just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
