It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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