They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize