3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he puts the penis in happiness.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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