We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Text me some of your sweat
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
