I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
