At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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