i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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