i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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