i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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