WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
