I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
