# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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