weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We named our party play list daddy issues
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
