just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
