my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
