Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
