Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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